Poster girl

Humaygad si ateng Malunggay ang poster girl ng victimhood chic. Simula ng malipat sa Second level support hirap na hirap at aping-api.

Samantalang nung nasa 1st Level siya lagi nga sila nagmamadali kumain at di sila halos makapagbreak dahil sa dami ng tickets nila.

Isa nga sa reason kaya siya ang napili ko sa mga candidates nun is ang image nya nun is inde siya reklamador, silent worker lang siya. FOr some reason, paglipat nya sa Second Level support ang daming hinaing ni ateng na kala mo na siya na ang pinaka-naapi na tao sa buong mundo.

Eureka

I just came to a realization (again) that when I began a relationship with Eugene, I started to accept "me". Yung inde ko kelangan ng maraming kaibigan, inde ko kelangan na iplease ang mga kamag-anak ko parati para matahimik ang buhay. I can be "me". But the sad reality of that is dahil dun, nalayo na ako ng husto sa mga highschool friends ko, di na ako mahilig sumama sa mga office events, di na mhilig mkipagkuwentuhan sa mga ka officemate at inde na rin ako madalas umuwi sa Bulacan. Unconsciously, I have become dependent on his presence.
Na ok na ako kasi anjan naman siya.

Isa sa mga pag-aaway namin, nasabi na rin nya yun eh. Na ako daw ang dahilan kaya daw inde na rin sya masyado nkakakahalubilo sa mga kamag-anak nya dahil daw ayaw ko palagi. Pero kung tutuusin, siya ang nauna. Dahil ayaw nya or inde nya feel ang ugali ng mga kamag-anak ko ayaw nya na madalas kami magstay sa Bulacan. So I felt na it would be unfair na pag sa Bulacan ayaw nya pero kapag sa pamilya nya pwede. Laging dahilan, malayo. Pero I know deep inside inde naman yun lang ang dahilan niya.

Nang-iinis

So anu ngayon ginagawa nya di b? Namili siya ng gamit ng pinakamamahal nyang anak at namili ng grocerym trying to prove na inde naman talaga kelangan ung mga binibili ko at kaya naman niya bumili. So what is he trying to show now? That before even if he has the means he would rather keep it than ease me with the finances. Katwiran nya mas malaki sahod ko? Or kasi kung anu-ano naman binibili ko? Oh kala ko ba pinagpputok ng butse nya na sya ang lalake at ayaw ko naman sya bigyan ng respeto as a lalake. Eh as a lalake kaya patunayan nya n siya ang provider ng pamilya.
Kung di p nga ako ddaing n wala ako pera or kinulang pambayad ko or inde ako topakin n inde bbili ng grocery inde sya mgkkusa na siya naman ang bbili kahit may extra naman pla syang pera. Tpos ipagmmalaki nya na sya ang lalake? Wtf

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And the saga continues

I can no lobger remember if it was yesterday or earlier today when he said that I was always "feeling righteous" . And that eversince that I became team lead I always wanted to be obeyed. What the hell? How the fuck did my position at work came into issue? And that is what exactly what I told him? So he had been keeping that opinion for so long? Since when? Since I became team lead in my previous company which was 7 or 8 years ago? Or when I moved to this new company 3 years ago?

Made me remember when he said something that he has been comparing me with his officemates and he noticed or realized that I was in fact worse than them. So is he comparing me with his team lead? Wtf?

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My bday and Mother's day

For any other woman/mother this could have been your most special day from your husband. He would have prepared the best if not the sweetest surprise for you.

But not my husband, he just argued with me and laughed sarcastically when I was crying. What a douche.

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To be fair

When telling a story I always add "to be fair" especially if I am putting the other person in a not so good light.

But why is it that it seems that it is the world that is not fair to me

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The eve

It's the eve of my birthday and instead of my husband (not expecting much from my kids) making ne feel good. He actually made me feel worse.

He knows I have mental health issues, I am not yet officially diagnosed but he knows I have been seeing a psychologist. Though quite knew he knows I am trying to help myself but instead of helping he emphasizes that I am crazy and actually tells my daughter that I act like that because I am crazy. Don't mind her she's crazy is what he would often say.

It is really a mistake to get married just bealcause somebody impregnated you. The love is just not there. Maybe at first. But eventually, he becomes a father ( which is a good thing) but is no longer a husband. And when I tell him that he simply tags me as selfish and a bad mother.

How can I be mentally healthy if I have to live with someone like that everyday for the rest of ny life? I have begged him several times to leave. Because before its always me who leaves so end up with unnecessary expenses and just end up returning anyway because I have nowhere to go.

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